Appreciated
by Can't Blink
Summary: One-shot. Takes place after Breaking Point. Ghidorah finally gets some quiet time alone, and Ichi uses it to have a small discussion with San.


San still didn't know where they were going.

They've been flying along the coastline for some time in silence, the only noise coming from the frothy white waves below and the thundering storm above. The winds were with them, help to speed them along towards their unknown destination. The left head watched the ocean below, trying to distract himself with something to keep his mind from crumbling back into a depression. He was looking for any sign that may hint at where they were headed. But they have passed by here before and whatever recognizable landmark would've likely been destroyed. Were they going to go beyond, into new territory to destroy? What of their slave? Were they going to come back to him? He didn't know and he had a vague feeling his brother wasn't actually taking them anywhere specific. He couldn't bring himself to ask.

He was sure he wasn't going to get an answer anyway. Ichi just kept his gaze straight ahead without falter, without a single glance towards either him or what remained of his right-sided counterpart.

The neck has calmed down from the thrashing and was slumped passively, a transparent membrane protecting the exposed flesh within. Every now and again, a ripple of twitches would plague its muscles before going still again. San knew from experience that Ni was in a lot of pain right now; it hurt to be missing a head and the neurons were still very much active and conscious within them to feel the agony. How long Ichi planned on keeping him in this state, he didn't know.

San has been punished plenty of times before, but never in such a manner as this.

He could feel the constant ache in their right shoulder as the body worked through the regeneration process. Twice now, Ichi had performed the task of ripping out any new growths. The first attempt from their body was unexpectedly fast and the uncomfortable soreness from the base of the neck had suddenly intensified to almost unbearable levels of pain. This alerted them of their sibling's imminent return and prompted the alpha head to stop their flight and land. He would rip off the protective membrane as instinct dictates, but instead of letting the head reform, he would grab the snout of the skull as it emerged and rip it out himself to tossed it away. Ichi would then strip off the muscle tendrils that sprouted up alongside the new vertebrae.

Eventually, the regeneration organ would empty of its contents and pain would ease back into a throbbing ache as the body worked to rebuild the parts all over again. Ichi didn't even allow a moment of recovery before he would take flight once more.

The process would repeat one more time before their body used up what remaining excess energy they still had from the volcano. It had since finally slowed down to a normal pace.

It was a torturous process for everyone involved, and San didn't understand why he was made to suffer like this. Can't Ichi just let their brother grow back already, so they didn't have to go through this again? But he kept his mouth shut; it was not his place to question what the eldest did.

Eventually, they began to lower their flight path as they strayed inland, and Ichi began scanning the ground below for a landing spot. Whatever he was looking for, it wouldn't take long before he found it and landed down by a large sinkhole, leading into a cave. San recognized the spot; it used to be dense with foliage before they leveled the place. He remembered how eager he was to explore the cave, but his brothers refused. It was getting late and time to head back to the nest. Now that they have returned, San stared in wonder as they climbed inside and splashed onto the water-covered ground below. The earth rumbled beneath them as waves drenched the walls, but the cave held steady. Ichi took them in deeper, away from the sunlight that would soon filter in once their storm dissipates, so as to avoid its energy and further slow their regeneration down. Once he was satisfied, he slowly laid themselves down onto the ground, water rippling around them and cooling their scales. Ichi's eyes never left from the entrance, still doing nothing to acknowledge his siblings.

San looked around quietly before turning his attention to his oldest brother, unsure of what to do.

Slowly, very slowly, he slinked forward and gently pressed his snout to his brother's in a nuzzle. At once, Ichi snapped at him with a snarl and San barely jolted away fast enough to miss being bitten. Whimpering, the youngest flattened his horns and lowered his head, staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered. "Please don't hate me…"

Of course his brother wouldn't want him to nuzzle; he would still be angry at him and hate him. He never returned the affections anyway, so why he even bothered, he didn't know.

But Ichi's glare almost immediately softened and his growls silenced; the snap had come as a reflex, a product of how on-edge he's been lately. Seeing his little brother cower from him, and hearing those words spoken, gave him a brutal reminder of what their slave told him last night. How San likely saw the biting as a sign of hatred now; he didn't want his youngest to be afraid of him like this. He sighed heavily, shoulders slumping a bit as he tried to relax. He spoke softly. "Do not be sorry, Brother San. If any one of us should be apologizing, it should be me."

San risked looking back up at his brother, confusion growing on his face. Someone apologizing to him was very rare, and an odd feeling. His brothers especially would have no reason to be sorry; he was the lowest of the three and was not worthy of apologies. But now… he didn't know what to think and he wasn't sure if he liked it. He swallowed slightly before daring to speak up. "What for, Brother Ichi?"

The alpha head was silent for a moment, thinking his words through. He's been having to apologize a lot lately, hasn't he? But each one was necessary, his own pride be damned as he shared his regret and sincerity through their neurons. "For making you think that I do not care about you, Brother San. The bird told me what you said to him, and I will let you know right now: I can never hate you."

San was quiet, eyes lowering back down to the ground as his oldest sibling continued. "I know I may do some things that seem harsh and cruel to you, but know they are never done out of hatred and malice. Punishment does not mean that I hate you." Ichi shook his head softly. "Anger does not mean I hate you. I just have to do what I have to, to take care of you. Both of you. Do you understand, Brother San?"

He spoke with such gentleness that San couldn't help but lean forward to press his nose against his older brother's neck. He started shaking a bit as his emotions began overtaking him at a rapid pace. "I think so… But I don't deserve anything good, because I don't even do anything useful for us… Brother Ni was right to say I'm worthless. I can't think of anything I did righ-"

Ichi immediately interrupted him, voice still soft and gentle, but firm and adamant. "You are not worthless, you have _never_ been worthless."

"But I am!" San argued relentlessly, looking up at his big brother with sad eyes, already shining with tears. "I've been thinking all about it! I can't do anything right! All I do is get in the way, and Brother Ni-"

"Brother Ni does not understand how wrong he is." Ichi told him, but San was undeterred, shaking his head as he pulled away. He sounded almost frustrated now.

"No! Can't you see, Brother Ichi? I'm a terrible brother! I attacked you and it was the worst thing ever!"

"You regret, and have you not already been punished?" San swallowed again as if trying to keep himself from sobbing, before nodding slightly. He was avoiding eye contact as his mind went to that brutal beating Ni gave him, how he broke down from it. He let out a shaking breath, listening as Ichi continued. "Then it is a matter that has already been dealt with. So let us not dwell on it any longer."

"I just…" He hiccuped, his voice calmer but still just as distressed. "I try my best, but it's not good enough. I can't ever be as good as you guys. I can't fight like Brother Ni can. I can't be smart and plan things like you can! All I ever do is screw things up, and if I wasn't born, then maybe-"

Ichi stopped him right there, his jaws closing around San's snout, to which the youngest reacted with an automatic flinch. But it was a very gentle bite, much lighter than the usual reprimand and just barely enough pressure to quiet the little one down and get his attention. When Ichi got that attention, he lets go and looked him firmly in the eyes.

"If you were not born, then we would not be here," he told him, now sharing his words with the right head's neurons, so Ni would learn from this as well. "Brother San… you are the reason we are even still alive."

The youngest sniffled a few times, his confusion breaking through his despair. "W-Wha…?"

"I never told you about what happened before your birth, have I?" he started, and San glanced away a bit to think. He didn't understand, but he went along regardless, searching his memories.

"Only a little…" he answered. "When you were the only one…" He thought he could recall hearing Ichi say something else during his argument with Ni earlier that morning, about something that happened before his birth. But it was not a story he was familiar with and he couldn't help but ask. "What happened with you and Brother Ni? Before I was born…?"

Ichi was quiet for a while, eyes distant as he recalled those memories. It was always something he wanted to forget, but it would never leave him. A memory no doubt scorched into his mind to last for the entirety of their life. He spoke very minimally of it, always one-on-one with Ni should the situation call for it, but he never saw purpose in sharing it with San. Truth be told, Ichi was worried it would cause the little one undue anxiety if the eldest so much as gets in a harmless disagreement with Ni. But now, he thought it was time to dispose of such worries, so his youngest sibling would know and understand his true significance. So that he would never have to go through such a terrible state of doubt and uncertainty over self-worth again.

"It was a terrible time, Brother San," he started in a somber voice. "When Brother Ni was born, it was nothing but constant misery for the both of us. He wanted my alpha position, badly enough to drive him into utter madness. I still do not understand why he acted in such a way, but day after day, it was constant bloodshed and torment between us. I knew something was wrong, very wrong, but Brother Ni would not speak to me about it. It got to the point where I was convinced we would spend the rest of our life locked in this useless conflict. There were even times where I wondered if it was all worth it. Not my proudest moment."

He glanced down at his little brother, who was listening attentively and without judgement.

"To this day, I am convinced that if it had continued for any longer, we would both have perished as a result. It was only a matter of time before someone stronger took advantage of our quarrels. Of our _weakness_…" He emphasized this portion to Ni's neurons, trying to drive in the point behind it. "But then, it all changed unexpectedly, and another of our fights were halted when we met our newest brother."

He nudged his snout to San's, making sure he was looking him in the eye as he spoke.

"With your birth, our lives improved greatly. The Brother Ni that you have been familiar with your whole life? The one that served as my loyal second-in-command, as someone who was content with hardly a sour word between him and I for the longest time?" As he said those words, he found himself missing those days and wondering if it'll ever be like that again. But he shook it off for now, so he can carry on. "Now you know that he was not always like that; he changed for the better, because of you. He may say and do horrible things to you, especially now in this terrible time, but do not forget that he owes his position all to you. His happiness, he owes to you. As well as my happiness and our _lives_… We owe it all to _you_."

San stared and gave a sniffle, eyes still teary but a small smile was growing ever-so-slowly on his face.

"So do not _ever_ believe that you are worthless," Ichi continued. "Brother Ni may not have seen it, but _I_ have and I am telling him all this right now, so he can finally see it too. Of course, I cannot speak for him, but know that I have always loved and appreciated you, Brother San. And I am sorry, that I have not made that clear enough to you."

He stopped when San began whimpering again, but it was a different kind of whimpering. He felt San's neurons spark back into action, washing waves of pure joy and affection over him. Unable to stop himself, the youngest one suddenly pressed his face into Ichi's neck tightly, nuzzling as hard as he can as he shakes again. Little San wanted to talk, -oh, how he wanted to talk-, but words simply could not escape him. They wouldn't be adequate enough anyway.

And there, he felt it. For the very first time that he can remember, he finally felt his brother return his affection, nuzzling back against him tenderly. The tears finally escape, down his cheeks.

He was loved after all. He always have been, and always will be loved.

After a few moments, his shaking began to subside and his whimpers began to quiet. He still couldn't get words out, but it didn't matter as he felt his brother groom his face tenderly. The tears, wiped from his cheeks. Soon, he couldn't help but return the affection, grooming his brother back and trying to lick his throat as if to tend a wound that has long since healed. The guilt of what he did was still there, but when Ichi lifted his snout to give him have better access, letting him know that it was all okay and the trust was still intact, that shameful feeling faded away.

Made better when, for the very first time, Ichi purred to him and San's heart soared at the sound. He gave a shaky, but no-less enthusiastic purr right back.

Once the grooming was over, San leaned against his brother again, feeling lighter somehow. But-

"What's going to happen now…?" he asked softly. He still had no idea what they were going to do, and he wanted so badly to hear that things can go back to normal now. Unfortunately, Ichi watched him for a moment before letting out a tired breath through his nose.

"I do not know, Brother San…" Ichi muttered. He knew things were far from over between the three of them, and he couldn't avoid it forever. He glanced towards the remains of Ni's neck, seeing no sign of any new regrowth yet. Their body was still building within them. Their corresponding shoulder ached and he suddenly became aware once more of how much _everything_ ached.

San watched his older brother for a moment, hearing the weariness in his voice before muttering softly. "Do you want to rest, Brother Ichi…?" he started. "I can keep watch…"

Ichi was about to automatically reject the proposal; to rest during the day was not something they usually indulged in, especially when on an inhabited planet still in need of destruction. Why waste time when there was work to be done? Their nightly rest was usually enough, but given the situation…

A nap sounded really damn good right about now.

He nodded softly. "Thank you, Brother San."

Shifting their body a bit to get comfortable, he laid his neck and head upon one of their wings, staring towards the pillar of light now shining in from the outside world before closing his eyes to sleep. As he drifts, he felt San groom his face. It wasn't necessary, but it helped him relax and San really wanted to enjoy his brother's purr again. Such a rare sound he wanted to treasure, and Ichi was more than happy to let him hear it again. He wanted the little one to feel appreciated after all he's been through.

San purred back, savoring the sound for as long as it lasts before Ichi finally fell silent as he slipped into sleep.

Lifting his head, San kept watch as promised, running the events of the day through his head. It was still so early, yet so much has gone on that it felt much longer. He wondered what else was in store for them before glancing over to the remains of his right-headed brother. He seemed hesitant, but he reached out tentatively with his neurons.

_Brother Ni…?_ he started, expecting to feel immediate impatience and anger towards him. That's what always happened when he tried to speak through their neurons. But he didn't feel anything in response and he decided it was a good enough sign to continue._ I'm sorry for what I did, for everything I've ever done to make you mad at me. And I forgive you too, for everything that you said and did to me. _

He took a breath before continuing._ Even if you hate me forever, just know that I still love you. And I will always love you…_

Ni's neurons were silent.


End file.
